

That’s a pairing we’ll always get behind, but Dairy Queen fries are so bad, so mushy, undercooked, and consistently limp, that you won’t even be able to stab a fry into your soft serve in the first place.Ģ1. Dairy Queen - Fries Dairy Queenĭairy Queen shouldn’t even make fries, but we get it, sometimes you want something salty to dip into your soft serve ice cream. Pray you don’t accidentally nab a single curly fry in your order, because knowing how big of a mistake you made is enough to straight-up ruin your meal.Ĭompared to the frozen pre-cut potatoes you can buy at the grocery store, these fries are… somehow worse.įind your nearest Arby’s here. It’s easy to forget these exist, even if you’ve had them before, because who rolls up to Arby’s and doesn’t get curly fries? They have absolutely nothing going for them - they’re bland and often hard-as-a-rock because you’re the only one who has ever ordered them. It might be news to you that Arby’s has crinkle-cut fries.

FAST TABLA BEATS CRACK
I don’t dislike them enough to put them all at the bottom of this ranking (though I definitely thought about it) but even the best ones aren’t likely to crack the top ten, and here, luxuriating in last place, sit Arby’s Crinkle Cut fries. One thing you’re going to discover about my fry preferences is that I don’t think too highly of crinkle-cut fries.

Ready to rank the 23 best fries in the fast food universe (sorry for the omission Culver’s and White Castle - I’m coming soon!)? Okay, we have 4,000 words coming up - so let’s get to it! Sure, I’m absolutely right and any contrary takes are 100% wrong, but I won’t call that out unless you come for me particularly viciously in the comments or on social media. I trust my palate you probably trust yours. That said, keep your expectations in check. Ultimately, the perfect fry is like that famous ruling on obscenity, “I know it when I taste it.” And trust me, I’ve tasted enough to have an excellent frame of reference. You can add seasoning on your own, but you can never remove the salt or paprika from over-seasoned fries. I like seasoning but I’m not looking for a fry that is over-seasoned with salt or any other variety of spices to the point of distraction. The center should be soft and never mealy like freezer section fries. A good french fry needs to be hot, too - at least that’s when they’re at their best. First, they need to be crispy, but not so crispy that they wear on the roof of the mouth. It’s a combination of things, all working together in harmony. So you’d better believe I took this process seriously, trying every fry yet again to make sure I could judge them without relying on memory.īefore we get into it, let’s lock in what makes a fry good or, better yet, great. You might still read my writing if we disagree about double cheeseburgers, but if I slight your favorite fries then you won’t care about my opinion anytime soon. The fact that everybody loves fries makes ranking them an incredibly difficult task. “Would you like fries with that?” Yes, yes I would. It’s the standard side order anywhere with a drive-thru. Fast food restaurants are defined by their meat options - In-N-Out gets by solely on burgers, Raising Cane’s is chicken tenders and nothing else, Taco Bell makes weird (kinda-sorta) Mexican food for the crossfaded masses - but having good fries is crucial. Potatoes are dirt cheap and readily available and cutting them up and throwing them in a hot pool of oil is the fastest way to prepare them (also the most delicious). Fries are the very embodiment of fast food.
